I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I am one with the molecules
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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