she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
