Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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