dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
