And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
