you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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