Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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