someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I think your dad took our porno
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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