He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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