So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
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