He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
