Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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