Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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