I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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