that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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