No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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