every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
