Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
