if you like me you must not know who I am
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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