Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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