Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
