I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
