I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
