can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
