My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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