using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Buhtt sex?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
