I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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