They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
