At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
