I wish I could teleport
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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