don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
