Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
