I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
