I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
