I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
