What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
