If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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