He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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