i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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