Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
