Jerry, you need to find god
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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