So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
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I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
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This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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