i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
