I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
