So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
