Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
