it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
