when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
