I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
