There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
