bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock deserves a montage
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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