i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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