I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
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