She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
