Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
