There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
