He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
