Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
