True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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