honey bunches of taint.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
